Reminiscence

Its been 6 weeks,

My 13 day trip to Europe certainly came in handy and i enjoyed it. Disappearing to a new place to explore, to try out so many new things was certainly the best way to get distracted. I ate alot, shopped alot, took a zillion photos and made new frens. I learnt many new things and gained a chunk of history.. and the scenery was breath taking, be it the architecture or the natural surroundings. i grew closer to mummy too.. since it was a mom-daughter trip x)

wen i came back i knew it was only the start... of forgetting..

I really threw myself into dance.Since i came back from my trip, i have been dancing everyday even if it meant only one hour.. its the only time i forget everything.. and i look forward to this lapses in time. Dance makes me, hungry so i will eat, and exhausted so i can sleep without tossing and turning.

Entered my 1st dance comp with tara. participating in my first hiphop recital. =) and wen I got selected for the first time in allegra's class =)

Hopefully the recital for danzppl go well on fri!! and i get through to the semifinals!

you confuse me so much. i'm stuck.

Gone

It has officially ended.

I have tried my best to change but

in your eyes and action i can see you're tired.

I don't want to drag on and continue hurting both of us.

Even if it meant taking all the courage i have left to ask...

There is no regrets and i will never blame you.

and in this same wee hours of the morning, godma left.

i'm only thankful i got to see her jux the week before or i would have been filled with regrets. Now i only hope she is happy where ever she is.

My heart is in pieces,

Losing 2 impt ppl in my life whom i have depended on the same night..

this feeling of pain is indescribable.

My pillow is soaked..

i'm telling myself to be strong.

i dunno how to trust and i dunno what to do.

poly graduation

Been MIA for at least a month but cos i have been supeerrr busy with examss....

Had my 20th birthday too...

simple affair cos too busy.. but it was meaningful...

I had baby to accompany me the whole aftnoon though he was having exams the next day..

and he treated me to sushi buffet x) thanks baby !

had HOUSE lesson...

den dinner at hard rock with nic, david, whale, alia and ellery...

imma grow fat!! hahaha =)

BUT

I HVE FINALLY GRADUATED FROM POLY =)

ytd was my last paper i did.. so fast 3 years have passed.. really gonna miss my classmates..had so much fun and memories chionging projects, helping each other with exams.. and just being there for each other..

So to mark the wonderful day.. i went to club at for the first time in my 20 years of living... yuting, eliz, xy, cham, ellery, hng, ks, jon emptied a vodka bottle before gg into butterfac.. and guess wad happened.. the floor was too packed to dance.. so me, ks, ended up like snoozing on the sofa.. epic phail!! elley and cham was beside us playing and drinking,. while xy and eliz totally disappeared on the dancefloor.. dun understand how come ppl like to squeeze...

gotto say good things about guys is that they dunnid queue for toilet... can just go pee and puke.. i left the club bout 2 to take a breather seeing the marina bay sands.... and ended up puking 4 rounds.. =.= great to know i had a good buddy like ks to be on the same boat as me.. hahah x) so ended up cabbing home early... ks left first.. me in the next 15 min... head seriously aching like crazy.. the others had to hunt for dear xy.... LOL...

didn't have hangover.. luckily... now spending quality time with ally arresting my bed for her own.....

gg to butterfac reminded me of our first date... and i dunno why i feel the changes even stronger now.. but i do know.. i.still.love.you

FYP

Finally sat down and had a serious talk with ♥

never expected to reach a crossroad so fast.. but we accepted our differences.. and though its certainly gg to be difficult cos its different already. certainly hoping this arrangement would work out.. It doesn't mean we love each other less just that...... we'll let time tell..

Finally finished FYP presentation also.. didn't sleep and eat for 24 hours.. just to rush the damn project out.. but its finally OVEERR =) really proud of my group..

now only hoping BB woud be completed soon =)

and the smell of 2march is drawing closerrrrrrrrrrrr.............FREEDOM!

lost

what you did really hurt me like crazy.. nv expect you to pull such a stunt on me. i wanna settle this but am so afraid of the outcome cos you've slowly became a part of my life.

lord, tell me what to do!

who am i?

maybe someone should come out with a new guidebook'. i never really noticed wad i did wrong till now cos i thought it was right to want to spend any free time with you.. didn't want to let you feel alone or neglected...so never expected it to slap me back in the face. serve me right i guess but one's supposed to have their own personal space. i dun even know how the hell i ended up in this mess. sometimes i feel i just fall into this shit voluntarily cos every step i take i try not to go back with the same mistake. and i dunno why after i heard that sentence, that feeling of insecurity has come back.

i'm trying to find back the girl i set out to be 5 months ago. was half way to accomplishment wen i stopped. at times i also dunno who i really am. but wen i do find her back, i dunno what will be left of the real me cos as days pass by, its proven the made-out me seems better. at least i won't have sleepless nights and depleting tissue paper like its free.

what to do?

Exams and projects really drained me to the max.. lost my voice for a week and only fully recovered aft 2 weeks =.=. at least one paper down and a few assignments presented.. still have more to come.. urhg!! gonna try enjoy my cny thought =)

Feeling tired today!

Godma was hospitalized.. feelin so guilty for not having visited her in the months dat bestie wasn't in singapore.. so many things have happened.. seeing her lie there i really felt like crying. Its my first time seeing her so weak so scared. I can no longer see the brave strong her who taught me to reach for what i want wen i first knew her at 16. She felt she was a burden and her biggest worry is her family. It really made me think twice and appreciate my love ones wen dey are still around me. Inside me, i really wish she can recover but according to the doctors...... its bleak =(

Just wanted to pput all this unhappiness behind me so went for waacking. body and soul wasn't at its optimum. freestyle went really bad for me.. but i did feel better! dance can work wonders.. den went to celebrate weiling birthday!

She got a big shock seeing like one whole stretch of table there with all her close frenss.. lol.. food was the best and wen i thought everything cld be alright again, there came all this misunderstanding.. just because of a careless decision of not taking care of my own belongings.... realli tired.. and i can't sleep knowing you're unhappy.. really dunno wad to do now.. FML.

mixed

well

you are a like a special gift sent to me

without the instruction manual..

so afraid that one wrong twist and it'll break

so now, all i'm gonna do is to watch and

see how you operate so we can all adapt

and be as one.

sometimes love ain't just enough

sometimes i really wonder why... i'm confused and i'm trying really hard but maybe.. i dunno. I'm just filling my week with things to keep myself occupied. but this only reminds me of a life that i had somehow grown accustomed to in the not so far past.. in any case, have been doing alot of random stuff, surfing web, finding songs, tweeting.. lol.. still wanna say, thank you for frens.

anyway, here is a song a found:

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side. I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

christmas 2010

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!

its currently 11.56pm.. 4 more min before this christmas ends.

the wonders of blogging after such a long period of time is that there is so much to say. lol. Well, its also sch hols now.. in another 2 months i'll be graduating from poly already. time really whizzes past so fast. School is as usual.. with assignments thrown to us like free.. event for gelare and some crap thing happened.. first time most ppl see me really pissed off.. oh wells, as usual it blew over in bout 1 hrand now, currently heading with xiu ying the BS open house event..

Went to FB production last week. Really awesome! Ks really outdid himself with his antics, diane and edi also did extremely well.. so other than the waacking class i have started already, i'm gonna sign up for HOUSE in jan with vee =) somehow, i don't know what my life would be without dance.

as for ♥ , we had our 1mth anniversary at marina barrage! my first time there, really sweet! sit there enjoy the wind and scenery with the sandwich ♥ made plus my potato salad..!! seeing a group trying to fly a sotong kite.. lol!! den we went to try out fish spa at marina square. it was really ticklish! me and ♥ cldn't stop laughing for the first 5 min.. and best.. we paid for 10min but the prsn forgot to call us and we ended up sitting there for nearly 30 min before we left only cos our movie was starting! hahahah!! so worth it right? x) Tron is a must watch show... seriously damn cool concept.! den we went to nyny and ♥ spammed the cotton candy! haha... it was a real good ending to such a sweet day! =) but ♥ is getting busy these few weeks, with danzation pracs, imp7ct training plus call back by army.. doubt i can see him these few days.. missin him!! =(

Christmas this year really happening!

had my first dinner with ballet babes.. changed venue from timbre to some italian restaurant than brewekz.. totally fun!! cam whore and jux chat! plus played MAFIA... and all so smart... solve so fast!! and all currently setting to meet up for lunch again.. can't wait x)

yesterday finally met up with the rest at julian's hse. after xmas countdown, gift exchange super funny.. "big boys use potty' was one of the present.. LOL.. i got an esprit towel plus a esprit perfume which was leeyang's but since he was a guy and plus i brought an extra gift for him to play the gift exchange.. he gave it to me.. hehehe!! but it was used to spray on everybody! poor andy whole body sprayed till he got intoxicated from the fumes and puked! he conked out immediately in jovan's car... hahah!!

and in the afternoon, bathed ally plus baked a cheesecake too.. diabetic friendly for grandma.. haha!! the texture was perfect, base was equally crisp and crumbly.. however, it was abit salty/sour because it was pure philadelphia cream cheese.. lol.. but today, everybody still ate a piece =) healthy dessert!! but the process to make was really funny!! the over spoilt so i short circuited the whole hse like 5 times.. and aylwin game got cut off like 5 times too.. hahah!! mummy thought it was a real joke x) thank goodness kayleng hse got oven.. Today at uncle dixon hse.. pot luck xmas.. ate good food which every family cooked! highlights were ESCARGOTS from france.. heeeee =) yummy!! and i found out drawing lots is getting to be a trend in choosing gifts!! drew out no 2 for aunty daphne's present and received chocolates =)

♥ is coming back from KL tmr.. hope he enjoyed and rested himself before getting back to his packed schedule this month... missing him..!

well.. my bed is calling!! NITEX!

short hair

Yes i know.. its been LLONGG like dunno how many freakin months.. oh well.. many things happened since i last changed this blog's layout.. hmm... think of switching again..hee x)

well.... i haave led my life well, going to school, catching up wwith frens, doing things i love and had no time to do in the past year.. simple things like going to a library to read a book. Gotto thank vee for it.. without her by myside, i think i'm still a fly with no head..

well.. heres to update.. aft 16 yearss... i finally got the courage... to...

CUT MY HAIR..!! yups.. its SHORT now...... =) and i'm loving every min of it..

i have been chionging nutcracker rehearsals for the past month and sure is damn glad its finally over.. the performance was fun and new frens were made. the costume was grand and the only thing that screwed up was the smoke machine.. lol

and have been gg to o sch for open classes.. needa buck up in my stagnant stage. i went to watch teenage-kpop dance battle.. was supposedly to go support edi and yiliang's crew. with vee who was to support her fren.. end up i really dunno how it all ended up.. but i got to know him and he became this special someone.! managed to meet his crew IMP7CT and yup.. they were the champions who won the competition =)) Went to celebrate alfred's birthday which i gotto say is damn freakin touching.. gary and jovelle seriously outdone themselves.. 20 min+ movie, the birthday surprise, a personalized scrapbook... i nearly cried even watching it =X.. it was meant to be a 3d2n chalet, but the 2nd night everybody had sch can't stay and somehow it became special to us...welll.. alot of ppl has been asking me about my relationship status.. i'm attached to this wonderful sweet boy ♥ !! but prefer this relationship to be low-profile cos we feel its a personal thing.. heh heh. so 171110 is our lucky day.. some may seem it fast.. but its been 2 weeks, and it feels like we've know each for so long... I'm feel i'm damn lucky cos without planning, we also a got to perform on the same production- The nutcracker.. so could see him nearly everyday due to rehearsals.. haha! aft performance, went for supper with my frens.. and they met dardar!! can say it went well... uuuberrrr hhappyyy =)

and other than the competition, went to watch osch recital which my dardar was performing.. first time see him dance in his element =) awesomee!! gonna try out nxt year and see how.. hee hee... and just not long, went uwb.. the 38 bucks paid was truely well spent.. so many great crew performed.. really gained alot of inspiration and make me reallly wanna train harder!!

and the last 24 hours, i really enjoyed myself..

i managed to spend time with dardar!! caught HP movie 7 part 1, and had his complete undivided attention... really wished this weekend didn't hafta end... inside me now, there is this warm feeling cos i can feel his care concern and love. huggs and kissed ♥!!

RMX shoe

Can't believe HTML codes are like so freaking irritating.

Well.. finally done with the new outlay and image..

Yawn!!

tired out like totally.. can't wait for a relaxing week=)

BUT i'm so proud i made a sale which add up to around SGD$ 3000

to this chineses lady today while at work. Seriously wished i was

that rich enuf to but such expensive skincare products..

ButWaitAMinute!!

i'll be too lazy to use it..

rather, i'll go buy that RMX shoe that i have totally set my eyes on.

hee hee!!!

OK.. gtg teach tmr!!

Nitex EARTH! :)

Bex Asia

Just came back frm bestie's home!

he flying off tmr to suzhou to study for 6 mths?? =((

just now aft dance, went out with ben and him to

queensway to buy shoes plus to OC for sticky sweets.

When got home for dinner, Aunty was so nice!!

she help us all shape our eyebrows =)

den helped with the packing of his luggage..

so cute la.. like brg his whole clothes collection. LOL.

was jokin if he forgot to brg anything,

i in oct go shanghai can bring for him.. hahha!!

thank goodness for the invention of skype

but still gonna miss him and his nonsense crap =)

hope he hve a safe flight tmr and may it be a fruitful trip! ~

as for the previous dayysss,,,

I started my official first day of school by working.. lol

have been very tired out with BEX Asia Conference!

It was held at marina bay sands expo..

Held frm 13-15, working hours 7.30am to 6pm

but gotto say i'm looking forward much to the pay =)

Really met lotsa engineers

from practically all over the world

and i'm certainly surprised even buildings

can be labelled as 'green'.

It has been fun with the whole group of temps..

we certainly knew how to come out with alot of crap.. haah!

and certainly thx to wenjian and his sis for

driving me there every morning and

letting me catch a few more mins of slp x)

Scannnig of passes, ushering etc.. were like the jobscope..

and in the midst, met up with those ppl who think dey

damn grand and freakin rude which i certainly won't

bother offering my assistance to.. and unexpectedly,

the CEOs, and directors were the most

polite and courteous to us!!

oh wells.. my leg is freaking hurting from those

idiotic spastic shoes..

like the whole big toe area can't even bend

hence cldn't even go for dance class =.=

please heal back asap.. or i'll really go nutssss!!!

>> Temps with Vincent our 'OIC'..

who treated us to mooncake aft it all ended~

>> The sweet Rachel who treated us damn delicious chicken bizcuitz =)

alrighty.... its time..

to go prepare what to teach for tmr's baby ballet class. x)

Moving on

Its been more than a year since i've last blogged on this page.

I had hoped never did i have to return here alone.

During the last year, we were sharing our words.

Though throughout it all,

it was only me blogging about the times we shared,

happy or sad, contented or angry, still.. it was ours.

But as the saying goes, nothing good ever lasts.

we had to go our separate roads,

without the usual sweet goodbye.

Your chapter opened some what smoothly with another..

while mine was left rocky,

with the edges still freshly scrapped.

I really wonder what happened to us.

our dreams, our plans tgt..

it evaporated within a split sec.

all out of pique, anger and stubbornness? i don't noe..

Nights which i could only cry,

turning and tossing around in bed,

hoping the next call or msg was from you.

But as said, the decision was final.

It was time for me to face the reality

i had so ironically looked up upon.

In the past weeks, i have slowly picked myself up.

Friends i have not talked in the past year,

touched me with their encouragement,

whether a sms, or a short call.. it helped..

People i had never really known stood by me silently,

I now understand the meaning of being in a

noisy crowded place, but yet feeling so alone

with the unexplainable deafening silence.

I had always hated this feeling but what else could i do?

Throwing myself back into dance,

was the best decision i guess...

Letting my passion take control of what was left inside me

gave me back myself, my goal in life.

You've been hurt and so have I.

But time will will heal all wounds.

I have never regretted my decision on 10.07.09

Memories will now only be left between us.

and i wish you all the best.

I can now only say, I will be strong

i'm moving on....

thinking

A sudden calling asked me to blog back here..

probably its due to the over lying in bed ytd,

allowing my memories to play across vividly.

happy and not so happy memories came back..

its been months..

but it seemed like only yesterday..

the step i took into the river was unexpected.

but i'm still swimming as the current pulls me.

I'm leaving the banks of the shore

where footprints are being washed off.

but i can't stop throwing backward glances.

The current is warm as it hugs me close..

but it doesn't go one way to the other side..

wind blows and it changes direction

yielding me to be strong enuf to swim across.

Am i too stubborn?

why can't i go along with the current?

sometimes i try giving up..

and the dark waters swirl around me..

but the current pushes me to the surface each time.

perhaps one day,

i'll be able to flow with the current,

be part of the river in it..

or perhaps,

the current would still

and i either continue my swim to the other side

or i jux close my eyes and let the water encase me as a whole.

for i know then,

i'm by myself

BCOMM

HELLO ppl!!!

Have been MIA for quite awhile already... 

cos real busy.. so heres a quick update!

Have been learning learning hiphop..

rehearsals frm 6-10pm plus everyday.. 

dats the main reason i have no time to post..

so can say i'm glad performance ended on sat!

only screwed up 1 and 1/2 item.. lol..

and can get pay soon to shop.. x)

I wanna go taiwan to learn liao... hee hee!!

This dance allowed me to learn a new genre

of dance i nv dared tried.. and made new frens too =)

Though there was a few turn off points.. i'm glad its over.

taught me that ppl can be doubleheaded snakes.. 

And went to Andy's mf performance.. 

so mch better than ours la... =.=

In bcomm now.. marcu tan with his np jacket

is sitting beside me.. mux thank him for treating me

COMBO pizza snacks.. so i won't collapse of hunger.. haha!!

and i finished the BCOMM assessment again.. 

didn't noe wad the hell i was talking.. heehee.. 

but its over.. who cares.. 

CIAO!

happy fathers day

SAT -

Had gathering at Kc hse in the evening..

ate bbq sting ray and oyster omelette

with ben (he finally appeared), jo, and heng..

the rest MIA..

sad dat i had to leave at 12am.. 

dey continued to geylang for durian, dim sum n

rochor beancurd!! lol...

SUN -

HAPPY BIRTHDAY & 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DADDY!

Had Jacks place steak for lunch,

and i got my new love:

samsung jet s8003..=)) 

den i did spa pedi and classic mani.. 

daddy and mummy enjoyed their treatments too!!

pretty nails for sch nxt week =))

Kor kor treated us katong laksa for dinner..

for supper, had roast beef salad beside the pool bar!

ahh.. feel so pampered!

TODAY - 

Breakfast at bedok aft checkin out of the hotel

cldn't buy my phone protector.. all stock haven come?!

so still usin the plastic thingy dat came with phone..

heh heh x).. dun wan scratches on my love..!

met kc for awhile.. so much for gym.. lol.. 

went home bout 6plus...

and slackin till now.................. 

NiTex PeEps!!!

Genting 12-19

I AM FINALLY BACK!

Aft disappearing for 8 days to genting,

i'm back happier and contented with life.

It was a 3 generation holiday trip -- 

1 grandma, 6 parents, 7 crazy teenagers =)

Cut it short, it was damn relaxing, 

a life i doubt i will get in busy spore!!

time was so ample dat we were like slowly thinkin

wad to do nxt and it was reali pure slackin!

But we made sure we kept fit!

Morning run arnd the whole golf course 

at 7.30am on most days..

with the exception wen we had jungle trekking and abseiling!

durin jungle trekkin.. i found out my scream can quite loud..

4 bloodsucking LEECHES were on me at the same time =\

but oh well.. how many times in your life do u get bitten

by leeches?? quite few.. so takin it as an experience. LOL! x)

and learnt how a type of leaf in the jungle can be taken as plaster..

so dats wad i did for my leech bites.. 

sadly, it didn't stop bleeding till i put a real plaster =.=

and congrats to Tekai on his additional lifesaving skill

of cuttin out moss frm a log and drinkin the water frm it. hee hee!!

Abseiling was cool.. finally managed to scale down on natural terrain..

the uneven rocks and sand made the course much more difficult

but it was well worth it wen i reached the bottom..

proud of myself for completing it! =) 

Other than that, on alternate aftnoons, we wld go to the top,

to sing k, shop, and wait for the adults to finish their casino..

and other afternoons, we wld go KL for shopping  and eating!!

It was seriously wake up, exercise, eat, shop, eat, shop, slp daily!!

Bought alot of new stuff! clothes, accessories..

and Daddy bought me a FCUK watch plus my eyeliner..

feelin a tad guilty for makin him spend so much $$ on me =X

so... all in all... I enjoyed myself thoroughly.. WHEEE!!!=))

i'm can't wait for the next trip =)

Post the pixxs soon wen i get it frm my couch-bed partner!!! =)

photoshop

LIKE FINALLY!!

manage to get a photoshop dat can add fonts.. 

and publish properly =)

ggonna hve so much fun now.. but its PMKT tmr..

heh heh

screw aaa

SCREW AAA!!

it totally sucks to the depth mann...

sian.. maybe can scrap a passs... 

at least the questions was not left blank =x 

still feelin very tired..

and i did promise someone i'll try to slp at 12 today

NiGHts AlL!!